My feelings are heavy this week. I don’t know if it’s because it’s that time of the month and I’ve been in a lot of pain or if it is something deeper. All I know is that I don’t think I’m handling my grief well. Or maybe I am handling it the best that I can.
I don’t know. Grief feels messy and long and short and heavy and also hopeful somehow. I don’t know how to explain it, I’m sitting with these feelings for now, and I hope to write something about them at some point. Maybe when I can think about my grandpa without crying (though, I’m not sure that will ever happen). But I’m also grieving other things—like an abled body, a mind that isn’t full of anxiety—that I’d love to write about.
But not today.
Today, spring is alive and well outside my window. Birds are chirping, trees have blooms. The part of me that seems to die each winter is returning to life. There is life and grieving, all at once.
Beautiful & ordinary things this week 💕
I was so excited about
and her new poetry collection, which I accidentally preordered twice. I’m sending a copy to a friend and fellow poet, but I flew through it last night and this morning. Instructions for Traveling West is probably my favorite book I’ve read this year. This poetry collection hit home and made me feel so many things. You should pick up a copy.- hit me right in the heart. I want time to slow down because everything seems to be slipping by. My daughter is an actual kid now, gone are her chubby fingers and baby babble. She’s incredible, but I need to savor this time more.
I wrote about how I Can’t Write, yet I am. Every day, despite it all.
Currently 💕
📖 Reading - I’m still reading The Hobbit and loving it. I also started reading The Seven Year Slip by Ashley Poston for a book club.
📺 Watching - I haven’t watched much of anything this week, but I’d love to re-watch the 1994 Little Women sometime soon.
🎧 Listening - Nothing at the moment, I’ve been aiming for quiet when I don’t have music playing.
🎶 On my playlist - History of Man by Maisie Peters
Happy reading,
Taylor
Taylor, I am so sorry for your loss! I just lost my grandma last month and resonated with your words about grief. Thank you also for the compliment of sharing my poem. <3